Tag Archives: life

All you need is love.

To redeem a little bit from my blatant last post, I want to talk about how us and our future together. It’s approaching Valentine’s Day and well, I’m feeling in the mood. So here goes 🙂

Now, people are bound to judge me for saying this, but I have every intention of marrying you. I know we’re still young and all that, but personally, I think that being young makes it better. I think that young minds possess more passion and will than the minds of many (although certainly not all) adults. Of course I have an extremely biased view on this, having yet to experience real adulthood I’m still fairly innocent to many of the trials and tribulations of being a grown up. However, all you need is love right? I fully believe in this. I believe that our love conquers all. I mean, just look at what we’ve already been through! Sure, adults encounter their own problems with finances, rent, jobs etc., but do adults in love encounter the same problems as those that aren’t? Put it this way: we both battled our way through IB. We inevitably had our own personal little problems and stressful moments as did everyone, but having someone else with me 100% of the time who I knew was going through exactly the same thing and was there to talk to and reassure me sure as hell made it a billion times less painful. So I’m theorising that the same should apply to marriage. Money issues, job hunting…I don’t know, whatever it is, when you’re married you’re both in it together aren’t you? “A problem shared is a problem halved”, and that’s exactly the way it should be.

This has all somehow emerged from last night’s action. I realised I don’t want to grow up to be like my parents. Without going into personal details, I do kind of get that three kids undoubtedly gets stressful and that we’re probably not easy on the pocket. But I want us – you and I – to be so much better than what I’ve grown up with. I want us to be able to be middle-aged and working but to still have time for each other. Admittedly, I do have a very idealistic image planted in my mind about us, kids, house, good money, and of course I know that absolutely flawless perfection is impossible. However, I do believe that it’s possible to perceive something – such as life – as perfect despite its flaws. Referring back to the ‘love conquering all’ idea, I truly have faith that it can, based on what I’ve already experienced together with you.

However, I do think that there is one key element that cannot be omitted if love is to be the solution to all life’s problems, and that is communication. From my observations in my 19 years of life, lack of communication just results in misunderstandings and arguments, thus leading to unhappiness. And really, what good is life if it doesn’t make us happy? It’s human nature to seek the happy and enjoyable things in life. I mean, we don’t choose to be part of a group of friends that put us down and make us feel shit about ourselves constantly, do we? No, we choose friends who make us smile and laugh and who are able to pick us up when we’re down. The same goes for marriage. Just because there’s a vow involved that commits us to this one person out of the 6.8 billion others on Earth, that should not mean that at some point we decide this person no longer makes us happy. Even through decades of marriage and memories together, I believe (and hope) that if a person once made you happy, then they still can. Same goes for communication. If communication is failing, make it un-fail for God’s sake! If you were once able to talk to the love of your life about anything, you still can.

Now forgive me, for I sense that this post has become somewhat like an advice column towards the last paragraph. But I can’t be screwed editing it, and I’m sure the message is pretty clear anyway: you and me, together, always, because you’re my best friend, you’re my world, and you make me so so happy 😀

And if this isn’t the most appropriate song to accompany this post, then I don’t know what is 🙂

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How is this real?

‘this’ refers to everything. Life right now. It’s bizarre, surreal, unbelievable, I can’t understand it. Everything is happening so fast and I feel like I’m constantly playing a game of chase – trying to catch up with reality from dithering in my thoughts and the places I’d rather be.

There’s so much I want to say in this post but I can’t. I always find it so hard to express things which are really close to my heart. I know I try, and sometimes maybe I succeed, but I don’t feel like being overly expressive about everything at the moment, so consequently this post will probably be ambiguous as fuck and be pointless to those reading it. But it doesn’t matter, I need to sort out my head.

– P2 today. Reality hit me hard, as I think it did for others too. We’re only human – why should we feel compelled to put on this façade of ‘doing OK’ and ‘coping’? I hate how we feel like sometimes we have to apologise for letting our feelings show. So often is it that it feels like the only thing you want to do is curl up into a ball and cry your goddam eyes out. So do it. You’re understood by more people than you may think.

– This may sound selfish, but all this is making me think of you and me and us. I couldn’t imagine life without you and I don’t want to, but stupid summer fucking plans from my fucking family are making things sound difficult. And I don’t know how I’d survive an Auckland/ChCh relationship. I hate thinking about that possibility, but I can’t ignore that it exists.

– These past few weeks have been full of ‘last’ things, but this week in particular. Last week of school ever. I can’t quite comprehend it all – no more 5-day-week routine, no more rules, less guidance, and inevitably the loss of the company of day-to-day people which we so easily take for granted. It’s the end of so much and, although I’ve only been here for 2 years, it feels like a lifetime – in the good sense that it is here that I’ve met the best people in my life and made the best memories. And it is here that I will never forget (with the help of our amazing Leavers’ Book of course. We honestly are the absolute best year-group in school 🙂 )

That’s kinda all. It seems like so much less when it’s written down, but I guess that shows how heavy things sometimes seem when you just carry them around in your head and don’t let them out.

And this is my current, beautiful music obsession:

I’m so glad you’re here.


More sad faces than happy faces.

Life is so bloody unattractive at the moment. I feel like anything other than living would be better that my life right now. When I’m happy, it feels fake. When I’m sad it feels right, but I hate being so fucking down. It’s like I have a permanent bloody frown on my face. I don’t like it. I so desperately want to be happy, and I need to be, but the truth is the only time I can truly be happy is when I’m with you and we’re alone and we’re only thinking about each other and none of this school stuff or university stuff or organising of stuff. I know I’m selfish, but I can’t help it.


Watch this.

I’m definitely not religious or ‘spiritual’ person, but this video makes me think…in a good way. In a way which makes me appreciate things in my life a bit more, but at the same time recognise the most important things. Doesn’t matter if you agree or not, just watch it. 🙂


positivepositiveNEGATIVE.

So, all’s going great. Get on top of things (kinda) for the first time in my IB life – EE handed in early (despite all the procrastinating blog posts 😛 ), ecosystems write-up done successfully in one night, doing lit homework for once. All positive stuff right? I’m not forgetting my little resolution I made to myself not so long ag0 (turning – into +), but why is it, as soon as I start to feel things are going good, a big fat negative comes and fucking sticks its nose in? Negatives in the form of everything else there still is to do at school – maths portfolio, WL2 essay, CAS project (fuck those kids are little buggers), music investigation, French oral – the list goes on forever in terms of school work. But that’s not the main thing. All this stuff causes one major negative in my life, and that’s me. I think everyone kinda feels what I’m feeling to some extent. It’s those little things that really get to me, really piss me off. Like not being able to go out at weekends due to various reasons (work, money, work, work) and being at home sucks total balls (‘Stop using your work as an excuse and help around the house.’ Using work as an excuse? I fucking wish.) And there’s other things that I wanna be doing. Like fun things, bad things. I wanna be able to get completely fucking wasted and not worry about the fact I’ve emptied my account and have school the next day and work to do. And I also wanna know what’s happening next year. I know I’ve already mentioned this in my last post, but I had a little conscious nightmare today. I realised that maybe instead of doing a completely music-based course, I’m really meant to be a journalist. I mean, it’s been my ideal ‘thing’ since about year 9. I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I guess I can do both – some sort of music journalist – but grrr, there’s the whole deciding where to go and applying business. I just want it to be sorted out for me. That’s what I’m gonna miss about school most. But going back to the ‘me’ problem, you wanna know what’s worst? I’m all negativey because of you and your busy-ness. I know that that’s the most unfair thing to say, to say it’s your fault. But I’m not blaming it on you, I’m just saying that all this school work, everything that’s building up that we/you are having to do means that things aren’t the same as they were. I think it’s because of time, or the lack of it. It puts pressure on us like a storm cloud and we know that if we push the cloud a little bit too hard it’s just gonna explode right over our heads, drowning us. We’d drown together of course. We’re changing, yes. But not in the ‘breaking up’ kinda way. No, definitely not. We’re changing in the sense that other things need to become more important. Even if it’s only for a few days, or a week, or a month, they still take over. And I guess it’s OK. We’ll live. We’ll learn.

Rant over.

(Apologies for the lack of paragraphing and any typos; it’s late and I’m tired but I just needed to write.)


Enter title here.

Life is a maze,
And love is a riddle.

These are the best days of our lives. And I wanna spend every day I get with you.


Right.

You + Me is easy. Unlike maths. Bleugh. I think you’d actually have to be a genius (or Asian) to get a decent grade in a maths exam. WTF. It’s so hard and so stupid and it makes my head hurt trying to figure out why every single goddam answer I eventually get is ‘wrong’ 😦 I don’t like right and wrong, I like ‘meh’. I like having ‘Yeah, that’s pretty much it’ or ‘You tried, 10 marks.’ But NO. Fucking maths is all ‘Step 1, 2 and 3, then take the inverse, divide by the cubed root of 4 because this rule says so…then of course, the answer can’t be negative because I say so, so it must be 1.’ Yeeeah, OK sorry what? I’m lost.

However… 🙂

WE, on the other hand, are so perfectly relaxed and easy. We fit together like the final pieces of a jigsaw, only one place for each of us to be. With each other, next to each other. Holding hands. (You know, I’d be happy if all I could do for the rest of my life was hold your hand 🙂 ) I don’t want anything more (or anything less actually…don’t even try and find an easy way out 😉 ) Awwwh you, you are my everything. You get me through.

This is us 😀


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