Tag Archives: leaving home

Be seeing you.

Ahh, last night at home for a while. Largely un-argumentative which is something. My sister was actually very nice to me. Maybe living away from home will mean we can become the kind of sisters that txt each other every now and then? It was hard saying goodbye to Dad too, but hopefully I’ll see him again in 7ish weeks. I’m actually sort of excited now 🙂 Being all packed up has made it more of a reality rather than an unknown something, plus you already being down there makes me want/need to hurry up and get down there too.

So really, bring on Wednesday! I won’t miss home too much I don’t think…it’s my friends and the familiarity of your house and Auckland that I’ll be sad to lose the most. But hopefully familiarity will set in soon enough down there 🙂 Plus it’s not forever. There’ll be heaps of chances to catch up with everyone 🙂

The one major downside, however, is that my internet allowance down there is crappo. I have 2GB a month and have to pay for any more. I guess I’ll just have to cut out my youtubing and endless streaming of music. And maybe facebook and tumblr a bit less frequently. So yeah, what I’m saying is blog posts may be more few and far between. But if you’re really cool you’ll have my email and textual details, so you’re more than welcome check that I’m still alive. I’d like that 🙂

And then of course, Valentine’s day. I hope you like that highly attractive picture of Regina that I posted on your facebook? 😉 Hahaha, I’m just so totally jealous. Not. We get cuddles and pizza on Friday. She doesn’t. HA! I love you though. You should stop worrying, that’s my job! Everything will work out just fine for you and for us baby, just you wait and see 🙂

Finally, Grammy’s! ARCADE FIRE GOT ALBUM OF THE YEEEEEEEEEAR!!! This makes me so happy 😀 They’re the most amazing of bands around at the moment. And The Black Keys got best alternative album and best rock song for ‘Tighten Up’, which I suppose I can live with. I do like them, but Arcade Fire are the actual bomb diggedy. And ‘The Suburbs’ is such an absolutely fantastic album, from beginning to end. I have many favourites, but I think this tops it:

And with that, The Prisoner style: “Be seeing you.”


Well f**k ’em.

So today at dinner, my sister and mother decided to tell me that they can’t wait for me to leave home. My sister’s reasoning was that I am ‘just so bloody annoying’ and she ‘can’t stand’ to be around me, whilst my mother claims I ‘always say the wrong things’ and am ‘too sarcastic’ and ‘ungrateful’.

CUE RANT.

Now, I think I can safely assume that my apparent annoyingness (that’s not a word, but whatever) and unbearablility (wow, I’m on a role) are due to the fact that I supposedly am so sarcastic and untimely with the things I say when I’m at home. You must be thinking, OK wow…she must say some pretty radical things if they make her sister and mother want her to piss off already, but that’s the thing; they’re really not.

At dinner today I merely made some joke about my sister wanting something microwaved for 30 seconds. I said something like, “Ooh, sure you don’t want 35 seconds? Don’t know how good that microwave is…”, to which my mum exploded into a tirade about my ‘ungratefulness’ towards what I’m given (the microwave thing was the tiniest of fucking comments, gimme a break). My sister then shouted at me for making Mum shout, when really that’s Mum’s problem; the comment I made didn’t ask for any shouting at all. I took it all with a pinch of salt initially. I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, I mean for fuck’s sake. Even now it all sounds so menial and unnecessary.

But that’s exactly what pisses me off about it all. Not so much the fact that my mother and sister want me out so desperately that they can’t quit telling me so during my last week at home; trust me, I want to be out of home more desperately than you’d believe. I’ve been wanting out for years. But no, you wanna know what really fucks me off about all this? The absolute pointlessness of it all! Fuuuuuuuuucking hell! This happens all the time. My insignificant, purely conversational comments are only intended to make someone laugh (admittedly it usually ends up being me at my own jokes, or Dad), but more importantly I just want to put a bit of a break in the daily so-called ‘conversation’ which, without fail, alternates between the subject of swimming to the subject of horses. Is that such a crime? It shouldn’t be, should it, yet my mother treats me as if I’ve nicknamed God ‘Satan’. She seems to have nothing better to do with her life than to be narrow-minded and bitter towards anything that doesn’t directly relate to or compliment her. Talk about mountains out of molehills, literally any excuse to shout her fucking head off and she’ll take it. I seriously think that for her, the more meaningless the spark, the more attractive it is. WHAT THE FUCK.

So yes, many of the apprehensions aforementioned in posts a couple of days ago about leaving home have evaporated in the light (if it can be called ‘light’) of tonight’s shit. I honestly think anywhere would be better than being stuck between these four walls with this combination of people.

And because I’m feeling a really weird kind of angry – I’m kinda amused by the stupidity of it all – here’s a gorgeous song which I rediscovered amongst my old-ish albums today. And it kinda works with the subject of this post. Kinda.:

 


I wish it was winter. This is a long post.

But anyway, if it was winter, today I wouldn’t have:

– Procrastinated getting up until 12pm because my room with closed blinds was so much cooler than the inevitable sun outside

– Sat inside printing off photos and sticking them on my diary because it was too hot outside

– Eventually ventured outside due to the dogs’ insistent begging and then wound up in an unfit, sweaty and muddy heap after throwing sticks into the waterhole for the dogs to fetch

– Had to eat cereal for lunch and a salad for dinner because the mere thought of hot food made me overheat

– Be currently sitting here being mauled by mosquitoes

– Have had to put off my violining all day because it’s been too hot.

So yes, this is a miserable and bleh post, but whatever. I’ve been stuck at home all day with no car because I’ve now officially sold mine to my parents. And even if I had gone out today, I’d have run into all the Waitangi bloody shitty crap out in Paihia.

Also, I miss you. Part of me is happy that it’s not too long until I get to see you again; Friday is less than a week away. But Friday being so close also means that you’re leaving in less than a week. And sure, I’m leaving a few days after that to be close to you again but, that’s the thing. I’m leaving home. In a week and a half.

It’s horrible thinking about it. A few months ago I was incredibly excited. Hey, even a few weeks ago when I actually went and saw Christchurch for the first time, even then I was still keen. And part of me is now. But, there’s a larger part of me that is fucking scared shitless (whenever I see that written down I always misread it as ‘shirtless’, haha anywaaay…) I know I’ve spoken to you about all this and you’ve told me that it’ll all be fine. This is something we have to do to be able to be happy and, well, proper adults eventually. I just wish I had a bit more of an idea of what to expect. From the CH BBQ a week ago I managed to gauge that there’s lots of drinking and parties, Orientation Week is hell and a definite time to simply forget about your dignity, and the ruling about no glass bottles on campus is strictly enforced (so beer cans it is). I suppose I was being unfair in expecting that someone would, at some point, sit me down and lecture me about exactly what student life consists of. No-one can do that because it ends up being different for everyone. You and I are going to have totally different experiences purely based on where we’re living, let alone what and where we’re studying. Anna and I, although taking similar subjects at the same uni, we’re living in slightly different halls so therefore will have different overall experiences. Hell, even Grace and I – we’re staying at the same halls and attending the same uni, sure – but I already know that her lectures are way more intense and demanding than mine.

So yeah, it’s gonna be a completely unique little journey. There will, of course, be high points and low points (no telling how low with the length of time Christchurch’s aftershocks have been predicted to go on for, but let’s hope not too bad). However, I’ve got to remember that CH will only be for a year, potentially two. Hell, I’ll probably be sad to leave the place! And then my third year is open to all sorts of options – student apartment or flatting, and there’s no telling who with.

And speaking of people and friends, that’s a final huge factor in my apprehensions. I’m very glad I got to see all my important people last week (except Sacha, goddamnit!!!). There are a bunch of other people I’d like to see before I – and they – disappear for the year, but hopefully Friday will provide a good last chance to talk to them. There would have been other chances to see people before they left if I had actually been invited to certain events, but maybe this is a bit of an awkward subject to bring up so publicly. I’ll save it for private face-to-face rants. Ha, now doncha wish you spoke to me more 😉

Soooooo. I suppose this little HUGE rant is more for myself than anyone else. Although maybe other people are in the same boat as me in respect to university stuff. In fact, no, I know some people are and I find that comforting 🙂 If I go in thinking positively, things can’t go too badly. I hope.

In the meantime, I still miss you (yes, I said this already in the third paragraph or something, but hey, this has taken a while to write). However, I’m glad you let me copy your Regina CDs, because this one’s nice:


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