Tag Archives: happy

Good, bad, happy, sad.

Good/happy things about today:

  • I got out of bed before 12pm
  • I was home alone all day. This is good because it reduces arguments.
  • I got three phone calls – the first about College House, the second from Anna about flights, and the third from “Anton from Westpac, Westgate”.
  • I spoke to our neighbour and found out how it is that our cat is so fat despite not eating anything at home. Yup, you guessed it – he dines out every night at his friend’s across the road.
  • I got an email reply from my grandpa, in which he said “So you are quickly learning to hold your drink!! That said; just remember it is the sensible young ladies who will benefit from such a lesson and will prosper throughout life! Sorry, I am beginning to lecture you and no doubt you will remember your Mother looking daggers at me for giving you beer to sample whilst down in Wales!!” This really made me smile for a bit.
  • I watched Friends.
  • My cat came back to sleep on my bed after I had put her outside for the night.
  • I made a necklace.

However, bad/sad:

  • My internet is deathly slow. It irritates me. I want to watch HIMYM and I caaaaan’t 😦
  • I feel really unprepared about returning to CH again. I also feel like somehow everyone else has bonded over these three weeks and I haven’t. I hope it’s not the case; that would suck.
  • My textbooks didn’t arrive. This means they’ll have to be sent down to me. I hope I get them in time.
  • Town tomorrow night has been cancelled. I could go with Auckland CH people but that’s hardly fair on Blake. So we’ll probably have a really cute night in. It just annoys me when plans fail.
  • I realised that next Friday will be my first birthday away from home. It’s strange how things are changing.
  • It was my last day at home again, for the second time in less than a month, only this time I really don’t when I’ll be back. I guess it turned out I didn’t know last time either though.
  • Saying goodbye to Dad was hard…again. Life is so cruel with these goodbyes.
  • I missed you, and I still miss you. Why don’t you txt me? I always have to do it first. Grr. Although that’s not really fair of me to say, sorry. I just miss you, and I’m annoyed at us only getting four days together when I’ve been killing time for three weeks. Friday night better be gooooooood.

Final night in my own bed…again. This song makes me sleepy in the most perfect way possible:

“He is the one who plays the piano
He is the one who wants to love
She is the one who touched his heart
He made too much of this, of course

I guess that’s all
They feel so small
He is the one who wants the crowd to disappear
He is the one who draws them near
He is asleep, deep and cynical
She stays awake to sing sonata.”


All you need is love.

To redeem a little bit from my blatant last post, I want to talk about how us and our future together. It’s approaching Valentine’s Day and well, I’m feeling in the mood. So here goes 🙂

Now, people are bound to judge me for saying this, but I have every intention of marrying you. I know we’re still young and all that, but personally, I think that being young makes it better. I think that young minds possess more passion and will than the minds of many (although certainly not all) adults. Of course I have an extremely biased view on this, having yet to experience real adulthood I’m still fairly innocent to many of the trials and tribulations of being a grown up. However, all you need is love right? I fully believe in this. I believe that our love conquers all. I mean, just look at what we’ve already been through! Sure, adults encounter their own problems with finances, rent, jobs etc., but do adults in love encounter the same problems as those that aren’t? Put it this way: we both battled our way through IB. We inevitably had our own personal little problems and stressful moments as did everyone, but having someone else with me 100% of the time who I knew was going through exactly the same thing and was there to talk to and reassure me sure as hell made it a billion times less painful. So I’m theorising that the same should apply to marriage. Money issues, job hunting…I don’t know, whatever it is, when you’re married you’re both in it together aren’t you? “A problem shared is a problem halved”, and that’s exactly the way it should be.

This has all somehow emerged from last night’s action. I realised I don’t want to grow up to be like my parents. Without going into personal details, I do kind of get that three kids undoubtedly gets stressful and that we’re probably not easy on the pocket. But I want us – you and I – to be so much better than what I’ve grown up with. I want us to be able to be middle-aged and working but to still have time for each other. Admittedly, I do have a very idealistic image planted in my mind about us, kids, house, good money, and of course I know that absolutely flawless perfection is impossible. However, I do believe that it’s possible to perceive something – such as life – as perfect despite its flaws. Referring back to the ‘love conquering all’ idea, I truly have faith that it can, based on what I’ve already experienced together with you.

However, I do think that there is one key element that cannot be omitted if love is to be the solution to all life’s problems, and that is communication. From my observations in my 19 years of life, lack of communication just results in misunderstandings and arguments, thus leading to unhappiness. And really, what good is life if it doesn’t make us happy? It’s human nature to seek the happy and enjoyable things in life. I mean, we don’t choose to be part of a group of friends that put us down and make us feel shit about ourselves constantly, do we? No, we choose friends who make us smile and laugh and who are able to pick us up when we’re down. The same goes for marriage. Just because there’s a vow involved that commits us to this one person out of the 6.8 billion others on Earth, that should not mean that at some point we decide this person no longer makes us happy. Even through decades of marriage and memories together, I believe (and hope) that if a person once made you happy, then they still can. Same goes for communication. If communication is failing, make it un-fail for God’s sake! If you were once able to talk to the love of your life about anything, you still can.

Now forgive me, for I sense that this post has become somewhat like an advice column towards the last paragraph. But I can’t be screwed editing it, and I’m sure the message is pretty clear anyway: you and me, together, always, because you’re my best friend, you’re my world, and you make me so so happy 😀

And if this isn’t the most appropriate song to accompany this post, then I don’t know what is 🙂

You make everything better.

Well you dooooo. Earlier today, I felt awful (as I’m sure was quite apparent in my previous post). Talking to Clive helped, but then I thought to best way to completely cure the pain would be to just talk to you. So I did. We skyped and I told you my disastrous stupid attempt at trying to get you a nice Christmas present. You laughed, said how I should give you the vinyl so you could rip the shit out of it in a YouTube rant. We googled the stupid Japanese guy who decided to copy The Fucking Beatles in the first place. He does jazz versions of other people’s song apparently. Who would want to waste their time doing that?! Then you told me you didn’t even like that album anyway. Hahahaha, oh you’re such a FUCK 😛 But maybe it was a blessing in disguise then? I’d hate to, of all things, give you some fucking Christmas present that you didn’t even want. So instead, I don’t care what you say, you’re going to let me drag you around some shops and I’m going to buy you something you actually want…a tripod, some Queen shit…whatever. And I might return the shitty fail vinyl, but then again – as you said – maybe we should just hand it around people as some shitty joke present. Except only you and I would get the joke so maybe that wouldn’t work… But either way, it doesn’t matter all that much. Thank you for helping me put it all into perspective 🙂

And right now, I can’t sleeeeeeeeep. I feel like Christmas has come a little bit early because TOMORROW NIGHT I GET TO SEE YOU AND THEN STAY WITH YOU FOR TEN DAYS!!!!! 😀 This makes me very happy (of course) ’cause it’ll be the longest amount of time we’ll have spent together in one single blob of time…if that makes sense. And at the best time of year too – Christmas 😀

Maybe I’ll try to sleep in a bit, but for now, this song is cute 🙂


So, summer.

I was excited. I was excited, that is, until Mum let me into ‘The Family’s BIG Plan of Action’. I did wonder when they were finally going to get round to telling me their secrets.

As it happens, Dad starts renting a house up North as of next week. This house here is supposed to be sold by December 3rd for everyone else to move up there, but if it’s not apparently we’re moving anyway and this place is getting rented. So, that’s that. And what about me? Well, I’m supposed to be happy because they’re waiting around until after my graduation dinner until they move. Yeah, wow, thanks. I mean, you’ve only complained about the price of that thing so far – huge favour you’re doing by gracing me with your presence. Not. And then, I’m supposed to move all of my things to the ‘North house’ for that to be my ‘base’, so that then I’m free to ‘do what I want’ for the summer. Perfect, right? Yes, until I find out that I get absolutely zero money from my parents for ‘doing what I want’. So it’s more like, ‘you can do what you want with the money that you have’, which, let’s face it, is not a lot. So that means getting a job – which I don’t mind – but I need to see you so I can’t just live up North and work the whole holidays. I need to be closer to you, I mean, that’s the whole bloody reason I was so excited! But yeah, whatever, I guess we’ll see how it all pans out…

All I want is a bit of a summer with you – is that really too much to ask?


Yes I am I am I AM!!!

It doesn’t matter that I’m already behind on my study timetable (I always knew this would happen really), and it doesn’t even matter that I’m stuck with only my mum and brother this week. Because…

– Last night = 😀 😀 😀 !!! Japanese movie, could’ve been incredibly lame but I still managed to cry. Awesome. Hahaha, but hey, it was a cute movie apart from the bitch of a girlfriend the poor guy had. Oh, and the slightly predictable ending… 😛 But our little drive to Devo was cute, and seeing your old school and old house 🙂 Oooh I want to grow old with you.

– And, happy tears. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I keep saying sorry. But uhh, times like those, when I feel how much you need me and I need you, and how much we mean to each other, my stupid head can’t hold it all in and it all has to come gushing out. It seems like crying is the only way. But remember, happy tears. Don’t worry 🙂

– Those words you said to me. While we were walking in the cold up on that hill. ‘We’ are something we both hoped for and dreamed of. I can’t explain how it became reality, but it did. Destiny, fate, whatever you choose to call it, it’s perfect. I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking. And I like that you think the same things that I do. I can’t imagine life without you.

– Environmental Systems study sesh. Fabulous. Realised I’m not as bad as I thought I was. Exams should be fiiiiiiiine (excluding maths)…

– Walky walk. Stupid dogs deadened my arms. But it’s alright. Fresh air is good.

There’s actually a million other negatives now I think about it, but what the hell. I’m gonna focus on the good stuff for once. I am gonna get study done, I am not gonna procrastinate (too much). I’m just gonna think about you all day, every day 😀

you → ♥ ♥ ← me

Why today was a good day…

– It wasn’t cold, FINALLY winter’s on it’s way out.

– I followed Chris to school again. This is always fun.

– Had a morning bitch about French with Lizzie. Good vent.

– Hug as promised from my cute new BFF. Slightly awkward. Doesn’t matter. She gets me.

– Cute email from Blake (:

– Dylan came to music. We had a moment. “You look wonderfully radiant today.” 😀 He’s truly lovely that man.

– Maths portfolios back. 18/20. HOW?! But YAY!!! Going into my final IB maths exam with 80%. Couldn’t get much better (for me anyway…)

– Double study. Actually did work. A whole psychology essay in fact. Most productive study EVER.

– Jack confirmed I am a cool British Indie kid due to the content of my iPod. Always good to know.

– Deans. Saw you. Sat with you (and your lovely men). Cute play fight 🙂

– Shared birdseed crackers and cheese with Boyd. Sickening (taste) but amusing.

– Had some of your Freddo. Omnomnomnom.

– Chilled with you and your boys. I like them a lot. You’re all very much ‘my cuppa tea’ (for want of a descriptive British cliché).

– Highlighter wars. Steph owned my arm. I owned the whole of her a million times more by getting the blazer. Oh, yes.

– Kissed you. Bye bye.

– Cultural committee fun. Beat Bobby to the policeman/officer’s helmet. Got a solo role too. Wow.

– The best 10 seconds of on-stage fame known to man. Actually, my apple is in the spotlight for longer than I am. But it doesn’t matter, the people make it worth it 🙂

– Drive home. Hot. Summer. Not too far away. 3 days left of term. YES. Feeling happy so decide to be the annoying driver that gives way to all those people who want to turn right into the traffic jam. Ignored the bastard behind me. I got 2 thank-you waves which is more important.

– Only maths homework. Might start study. Might not. Actually, definitely won’t. Relaxing night. I need one. I’ll start tomorrow 😛

More sad faces than happy faces.

Life is so bloody unattractive at the moment. I feel like anything other than living would be better that my life right now. When I’m happy, it feels fake. When I’m sad it feels right, but I hate being so fucking down. It’s like I have a permanent bloody frown on my face. I don’t like it. I so desperately want to be happy, and I need to be, but the truth is the only time I can truly be happy is when I’m with you and we’re alone and we’re only thinking about each other and none of this school stuff or university stuff or organising of stuff. I know I’m selfish, but I can’t help it.

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