Tag Archives: forever

All you need is love.

To redeem a little bit from my blatant last post, I want to talk about how us and our future together. It’s approaching Valentine’s Day and well, I’m feeling in the mood. So here goes 🙂

Now, people are bound to judge me for saying this, but I have every intention of marrying you. I know we’re still young and all that, but personally, I think that being young makes it better. I think that young minds possess more passion and will than the minds of many (although certainly not all) adults. Of course I have an extremely biased view on this, having yet to experience real adulthood I’m still fairly innocent to many of the trials and tribulations of being a grown up. However, all you need is love right? I fully believe in this. I believe that our love conquers all. I mean, just look at what we’ve already been through! Sure, adults encounter their own problems with finances, rent, jobs etc., but do adults in love encounter the same problems as those that aren’t? Put it this way: we both battled our way through IB. We inevitably had our own personal little problems and stressful moments as did everyone, but having someone else with me 100% of the time who I knew was going through exactly the same thing and was there to talk to and reassure me sure as hell made it a billion times less painful. So I’m theorising that the same should apply to marriage. Money issues, job hunting…I don’t know, whatever it is, when you’re married you’re both in it together aren’t you? “A problem shared is a problem halved”, and that’s exactly the way it should be.

This has all somehow emerged from last night’s action. I realised I don’t want to grow up to be like my parents. Without going into personal details, I do kind of get that three kids undoubtedly gets stressful and that we’re probably not easy on the pocket. But I want us – you and I – to be so much better than what I’ve grown up with. I want us to be able to be middle-aged and working but to still have time for each other. Admittedly, I do have a very idealistic image planted in my mind about us, kids, house, good money, and of course I know that absolutely flawless perfection is impossible. However, I do believe that it’s possible to perceive something – such as life – as perfect despite its flaws. Referring back to the ‘love conquering all’ idea, I truly have faith that it can, based on what I’ve already experienced together with you.

However, I do think that there is one key element that cannot be omitted if love is to be the solution to all life’s problems, and that is communication. From my observations in my 19 years of life, lack of communication just results in misunderstandings and arguments, thus leading to unhappiness. And really, what good is life if it doesn’t make us happy? It’s human nature to seek the happy and enjoyable things in life. I mean, we don’t choose to be part of a group of friends that put us down and make us feel shit about ourselves constantly, do we? No, we choose friends who make us smile and laugh and who are able to pick us up when we’re down. The same goes for marriage. Just because there’s a vow involved that commits us to this one person out of the 6.8 billion others on Earth, that should not mean that at some point we decide this person no longer makes us happy. Even through decades of marriage and memories together, I believe (and hope) that if a person once made you happy, then they still can. Same goes for communication. If communication is failing, make it un-fail for God’s sake! If you were once able to talk to the love of your life about anything, you still can.

Now forgive me, for I sense that this post has become somewhat like an advice column towards the last paragraph. But I can’t be screwed editing it, and I’m sure the message is pretty clear anyway: you and me, together, always, because you’re my best friend, you’re my world, and you make me so so happy 😀

And if this isn’t the most appropriate song to accompany this post, then I don’t know what is 🙂

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This is cute.

And no, I didn’t write it. But that doesn’t diminish the cuteness and truth in any way.

“This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favour cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumour to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.”

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

I think that, in many ways, this describes you not too long ago. But then, amazingly, I found you. And the best part? You found me 😀


Gina ♥

I feel so empty, like I should be doing something but I don’t know what. You were loved Gina, and I know you will continue to be loved more and more with each passing day. I wasn’t incredibly close to you, but I knew you well enough to know that you’re an absolute angel and that everyone who knew you thought the same (I only have to look at my facebook homepage to know this). There is only one week left of school, but ecosystems won’t ever be the same. Nothing will be. I don’t understand.

This has made me realise things too. It has put life in its entirety into a perspective of some sort. It’s all so confused and muddled at the moment, but suddenly the little things in life aren’t as important any more. The things to treasure most are the lives of those around you. Each and every one is more precious than the rarest of gems, and shines brighter than the most expensive of diamonds. Life can’t have a price. We are gifted with it and we have to be so thankful for that – for ours and for everyone else’s.

To all those suffering the most during this time, look after yourselves. Remember that everyone is standing by each other, that’s what’s so amazing about our Kristin community. And Gina, we love you, you look after yourself too. And rest in peace ♥


You.

Last night was perfect. So perfect. We had the best cuddles (8 days apart is far too long to bear), and we had cute little presents for each other which were perfect in themselves because they show how we know we don’t have to try and impress each other – that something with meaning counts more than anything. Dinner was made perfect by your mother’s classic appearance and then our usual people-watching comments and conversations about life. And then our trip to the beach in the Swift with good music playing through the open window (thanks to my mixtape skills 😛 ). Cute walk/chase along the sand and then back in time to buy snacks for our movie. Empty theatre, best seats in the house, one of the best movies I’ve seen with exactly the right amount of lovey stuff to be cute, and tension to give me an excuse to hold your hand. Home late, then snuggles in bed with chocolate and bro’Town. Pillow talk, play fights, cute kisses and cuddles, then finally sleep-time in the best place in the entire universe – your room, your bed, right beside you.

You mean the absolute world to me bubs. Spending time with you makes me realise how worthless and boring and pointless everything else in life is. The only thing that matters is you, especially now. We have exams and we’re supposed to be studying and I’m trying…I really am. Apparently, these exams define our futures. To an extent, yes. But ultimately, it’s the people that make you who you are that make the hugest difference to where you end up and what you become. And for me, that person is you.  I love you so much. Always will. Thank you for always being here.


HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

1 year today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! < express my excitement/delight/absolute happiness enough? 😀 😀 😀

I actually wrote this on Thursday night, but as I’m probably snuggled up in bed with you right now (or something… 😉 ), I set this to post in the future at exactly midnight on 02/10/10 (which is very confusing for a mind like mine because I’m in a muddle about what tense I should be writing in/have written in… Arrgh!!!)

Anyway, I love you SO much Blakie 😀 I’ve never meant those words as much as I do when I say them to you. You are my everything and you make me the happiest person alive (especially when we’re cuddling 🙂 ) Everyone says how Year 2 IB is the toughest year of a normal person’s life, so to have sustained our relationship through the highs and the lows shows exactly how strong we are. And it means we can get through anything that comes our way, even this big thing called ‘NEXT YEAR’. We’ll come out the other end smiling 🙂 I’m so glad we found each other. I couldn’t wish for anything better than what we have. I love you with all my heart, now and forever ♥


A bit empty, really.

Thinking about this evening’s events, this song came to mind. Everything’s ending, slowly but surely – inevitably. We, of course, aren’t. But the looming possibility of not gaining residency and being dragged from here back to the UK is a reality. Hopefully you’ll save me. Hopefully I’ll be strong enough to stand up to ‘authority’ and tell it where to fucking shove it. But until things are decided for certain, we should just make the most of every day we’re given. It’s hard with exams and university applications and everything else that’s happening, but we can manage. My mind keeps wanting to liken this situation to the same thing 2 years ago with me moving here. But it’s not the same. It hardly compares. You’re different to anybody else, you mean a whole universe and a half more than anyone else ever could. So, of course, nothing in the world could make me leave you. I won’t let it. I’d cease to exist without you.

And l’autre song du jour (excuse the French. I got 10/48 in a test today so understandable if my Français makes zero sense…) Continuing with the Arcade Fire semi-obsession at the moment, this is one of their demos. I love the absolute heart and soul in the chords they use. And somehow, I feel like I really ‘get’ the lyrics.

One thing that did make me happy today? Your change of profile picture 🙂 I did love the one you had before of course, but the subtle change to a picture of us (even if it’s the one I dislike the most 😛 ) is cute. It reminds me that well, all this isn’t just me. It’s not just all in my head like some sort of fantasy. We are real.


Father’s Day and thoughts.

So yeah, you may think this is a bit of a poor effort on my behalf, but it kinda serves me right for leaving it until 9:30 this morning to bother looking for an affordable and appropriate Father’s Day card:

(plus the dog’s hugely cute so what the hell 😛 )

However, this amount of effort was far greater than anyone else in the family. Despite my reminders throughout the week to my brother and sister (partly to consciously remind myself, I’ll admit), neither of them ‘remembered’ (I read it as ‘could be bothered’) to get Dad anything. So there’s me, frantically driving home on Sunday morning, counting out my change and finding the most easily editable card, whilst the rest of the family treat it like a normal bloody day. Yes, essentially it is, but if Mum’s allowed to make such a huge unnecessary fuss about my choice of card on Mother’s Day, why isn’t Dad allowed the same? Because he’s too nice, that’s why. (either that or memory loss really is getting to him… Hahaha, I’m joking 🙂 )

This kinda brings me on to what I was thinking about last night whilst still semi-conscious at about 3am. World-views, paradigms, perceptions, points-of-view…whatever you want to call it. Essentially, the way we see our lives. Different people in your life view your life differently. In my life, I see three main contrasting perceptions of my life: that of you and close friends, that of parents, and that of siblings.

Your perception of my life. Well, it’s more ‘our’ life. That’s how I see it, together right? Everything that you said last night (that only we need to know) shows me that you agree with the whole ‘us’ idea and fundamentally, I’d be the happiest person in the universe if that could be the beginning, middle and end of my life story – us. And close friends well, they get that too. I think it’s a generation thing – like those people who are actually living a similar life to us (school, sleep, an attempted social life) can understand that two people can want each other enough to only ever need each other. Anyway, this is the perception of my life which is my favourite. It’s the ideal one, the way things should be and hopefully will be.

But then there’s the parents, forever the ‘reality’ principle (although I swear most of the time it’s based more on pessimism). They don’t really get ‘us’. It’s as though they’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to be young and have your life ahead of you. They’re living with so little in front of them wherever they currently are in their lives. Today was a prime example of their obvious opinion on my life, and my brother’s and sister’s as well. Mum and Dad were talking this morning about the possibility of renting a property over the next couple of months (yes, that’s my entire final IB exam period), whilst they let new people move into our house and Mum and Dad look for properties up North. I pipe up, just saying that I understand where they’re coming from, but to state the blatantly obvious…exams, moving house, studying? If you want me to have a chance of passing these exams it’s not really the best of ideas. Dad kinda agrees: ‘It’s true, the kids do have things on and a stable home is the least we can give them.’ Then, of course, Mum’s inevitable selfish retort: ‘My parents divorced in the middle of my final exams! I never had stability, why should they?’ See what I mean? Dad: ‘You can’t project the sufferings of your childhood on to your own kids though. How is that fair?’ Mum: ‘Well  I’m the one with the least stability at the moment so it seems like nothing’s fair, is it?’ So uh, yeah. Stability or not, the lack of empathy fucking hurts like shit.
(PS. the whole renting property isn’t happening as it turns out, but the fact that those words were still said matters.)

Finally, siblings. Not everyone has this third perspective on their lives, but I do. At the end of the day, as the oldest sibling, I’m rarely ever at home as it is, so when the time comes to leave home (ASAP please), yes I’ll see my siblings, but they won’t be a major part of my life. At the moment all they really are is an extension of my parents. They don’t really know enough of the world to take a completely original stance, so whenever they voice their point-of-view it’s always a recertification of what I’ve already been told. Having said that, my younger brother can be given more credit. He’s sensitive to life at home – he hates it when there’s an argument (stupidly often) and seems to act as the peacemaker, except he’s not listened to because of the fact he’s the youngest and his thoughts are deemed ‘unimportant’. I feel sorry for him. There’s things that he does which I completely remember myself doing when I was younger, like when Mum shouts at him for not eating his dinner or holding his cutlery wrong and he tries to hold back the tears but can’t. I remember doing exactly the same – being so embarrassed by the fact that you’d let ‘her’ make you cry, but at the same time feeling your brain whirring with the absolute unfairness of it all and how narrow their mental capacity is. Siblings are weird – sometimes they get you, sometimes they don’t. But nonetheless they have a different perception of you which is worth taking note of.

I can now decide, after over 900 words of writing (whether it made sense or not, you tell me), that really, there’s only one world that I want to live in. Maybe it’s unrealistic, perhaps it’s overly optimistic, but I don’t care. To quote from that long speech I posted earlier this week, “Everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough.” I believe this, because it’s the only way I get through. If it wasn’t for you and your constant love and support and everything you do, I would be nowhere. I love you so much.


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