Be seeing you.

Ahh, last night at home for a while. Largely un-argumentative which is something. My sister was actually very nice to me. Maybe living away from home will mean we can become the kind of sisters that txt each other every now and then? It was hard saying goodbye to Dad too, but hopefully I’ll see him again in 7ish weeks. I’m actually sort of excited now 🙂 Being all packed up has made it more of a reality rather than an unknown something, plus you already being down there makes me want/need to hurry up and get down there too.

So really, bring on Wednesday! I won’t miss home too much I don’t think…it’s my friends and the familiarity of your house and Auckland that I’ll be sad to lose the most. But hopefully familiarity will set in soon enough down there 🙂 Plus it’s not forever. There’ll be heaps of chances to catch up with everyone 🙂

The one major downside, however, is that my internet allowance down there is crappo. I have 2GB a month and have to pay for any more. I guess I’ll just have to cut out my youtubing and endless streaming of music. And maybe facebook and tumblr a bit less frequently. So yeah, what I’m saying is blog posts may be more few and far between. But if you’re really cool you’ll have my email and textual details, so you’re more than welcome check that I’m still alive. I’d like that 🙂

And then of course, Valentine’s day. I hope you like that highly attractive picture of Regina that I posted on your facebook? 😉 Hahaha, I’m just so totally jealous. Not. We get cuddles and pizza on Friday. She doesn’t. HA! I love you though. You should stop worrying, that’s my job! Everything will work out just fine for you and for us baby, just you wait and see 🙂

Finally, Grammy’s! ARCADE FIRE GOT ALBUM OF THE YEEEEEEEEEAR!!! This makes me so happy 😀 They’re the most amazing of bands around at the moment. And The Black Keys got best alternative album and best rock song for ‘Tighten Up’, which I suppose I can live with. I do like them, but Arcade Fire are the actual bomb diggedy. And ‘The Suburbs’ is such an absolutely fantastic album, from beginning to end. I have many favourites, but I think this tops it:

And with that, The Prisoner style: “Be seeing you.”

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Packing and leaving and stuff.

In short, packing SUCKS. Either that, or I just suck at it. But it’s fair that I can blame the activity of packing as being the cause of my stress today.

I’m forever complaining about not having enough clothes, but it’s only now that I’m attempting to fit the majority of the contents of my wardrobe and drawers into two suitcases that I’m realising I actually have a lot more clothes than I remembered. Most of them were at the back of the wardrobe and haven’t seen the light of day for months. I kinda had a bit of fun finding my wintery-ish clothes to pack too, although not so much fun fitting them into the suitcases. Hoodies and jeans are stupidly heavy and space-consuming. It makes sense what with jeans being more than twice the length of shorts and hoodies at least twice the thickness of t-shirts, but it’s still stupid. Look how full these things are already:

Also, my group of friends have gone out for dinner tonight. I wasn’t invited which hurts a bit (…okay a lot). It was quite probably a genuine misconception regarding me being back up North and not being able to go. But hell, last time to see my friends? I’d have bloody bussed/driven/flown down there! But I guess it’s alright. I’ll see some of them again soon. And at least I got to see most people on Friday, plus have lunch with the guys. They matter more really. Is that mean? Meh, I love my friends, but I’ve actually ended up spending more time with Blake’s boys during the summer. And we’ve made so many memories together even in the short space of a few months…that alone is a sure-fire sign of a solid friendship. I love you guys 🙂 (but Blake the most 😀 )

Well, last day at home tomorrow. Also happens to be Valentine’s Day. You got my card, I got yours…we’ll be happy enough 🙂 And what with it being your first day at CPIT it’s hardly likely to be the top of your priority list. But that’s OK, we have plenty more of these silly, commercial, so-today-it’s-ok-to-tell-you-I-love-you days to come. Actually, what I’m looking forward to more than tomorrow is Friday night. Pizzas at your new apartment? Yesh please 😀 Plus cuddles to relieve the initial worries of the first week. I cannot wait to be in your arms again 🙂

And this is my song du jour. ASDHFGKLSJAK, I will never stop loving these guys’ music. I’m forever thankful Boyd 😛


The official end.

So FUCK. Academic Awards Ceremony tomorrow. The final time everyone (mostly) will all be together in that good old auditorium at school. I’m having mixed feelings about the whole ordeal.

On one hand, I’m kinda apprehensive about it. It’s the last time…the LAST time…we’re all going to be together. What the hell? Since when did growing up start happening so fast? I’m not ready to say goodbye. The fact that we’re all moving on with our lives hasn’t really hit me yet, and I don’t think it will until tomorrow. I mean, Kawau wasn’t really a goodbye – that was only IB kids and we had Grad Dinner coming up. But then Grad Dinner wasn’t a final goodbye either because we all knew we had the whole summer ahead of us to catch up with people, and of course this Academic ceremony tomorrow still to come. Yet that Academic ceremony is tomorrow. Already. And it really is the last chance to see everyone before we all go off changing and growing up and making new friends. I don’t want to cry (mascara becomes a problem then…hahaha), but if I do I think I’m allowed to. Kristin has been – and will continue to be, hopefully – my family 🙂

And in this sense, I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow incredibly. Although, yes, it will be the ‘final goodbye’, it certainly doesn’t mean we’re never going to see each other again. A good group of us are in Christchurch together for starters, and it should be easy enough to see Auckland people as well as to keep in contact with everyone else what with  facebook and skype making communication so easy. It’ll also be good to see my old teachers tomorrow, as well as Marisa and any other year 13s that I like enough to say hello to 🙂

So overall, tomorrow should be a blast. I’ve never been this excited for an assembly before so it’s kinda weird, but maybe it’s true what they say about high school being the best years of your life. We just fail to realise it sometimes when we’re actually going through it. Also, I get to have a little lunch with you tomorrow before you leave in the evening. This is neeeeeeeeeeded…weeks apart suck bollocks.

This is another bloody good Hoosiers song:

Oh, and feel free to read this you nosey people 🙂


New theeeeeeeeme.

Good excuse for a poll me thinks 🙂 So, que pensez-vous? (Slightly awkward that I had to google translate that to check the spelling. Jesus Christ, I’ve only not spoken French for 2 and a bit months. But maybe that explains the 4…)

Nothing much else to report, except that I’m glad it rained today because it meant I could wrap your V day gift and things without sweating all over them. I’m glad we’ve opted for a budget day this year. We don’t have to spend an arm and a leg to show that we love one another. And with the 14th also being your first day at CPIT it means we don’t even get to spend time together this year. But I’m sure a Skype date will suffice just fine 😀

Annnnd because I haven’t spoken to you all day (grr) and it’s true that “You’re out there having fun, and I need you. I’m alone with this song, about being empty. And the fear of missing out, it’s hard to be alone.”, this is the soundtrack of my night alone:


All you need is love.

To redeem a little bit from my blatant last post, I want to talk about how us and our future together. It’s approaching Valentine’s Day and well, I’m feeling in the mood. So here goes 🙂

Now, people are bound to judge me for saying this, but I have every intention of marrying you. I know we’re still young and all that, but personally, I think that being young makes it better. I think that young minds possess more passion and will than the minds of many (although certainly not all) adults. Of course I have an extremely biased view on this, having yet to experience real adulthood I’m still fairly innocent to many of the trials and tribulations of being a grown up. However, all you need is love right? I fully believe in this. I believe that our love conquers all. I mean, just look at what we’ve already been through! Sure, adults encounter their own problems with finances, rent, jobs etc., but do adults in love encounter the same problems as those that aren’t? Put it this way: we both battled our way through IB. We inevitably had our own personal little problems and stressful moments as did everyone, but having someone else with me 100% of the time who I knew was going through exactly the same thing and was there to talk to and reassure me sure as hell made it a billion times less painful. So I’m theorising that the same should apply to marriage. Money issues, job hunting…I don’t know, whatever it is, when you’re married you’re both in it together aren’t you? “A problem shared is a problem halved”, and that’s exactly the way it should be.

This has all somehow emerged from last night’s action. I realised I don’t want to grow up to be like my parents. Without going into personal details, I do kind of get that three kids undoubtedly gets stressful and that we’re probably not easy on the pocket. But I want us – you and I – to be so much better than what I’ve grown up with. I want us to be able to be middle-aged and working but to still have time for each other. Admittedly, I do have a very idealistic image planted in my mind about us, kids, house, good money, and of course I know that absolutely flawless perfection is impossible. However, I do believe that it’s possible to perceive something – such as life – as perfect despite its flaws. Referring back to the ‘love conquering all’ idea, I truly have faith that it can, based on what I’ve already experienced together with you.

However, I do think that there is one key element that cannot be omitted if love is to be the solution to all life’s problems, and that is communication. From my observations in my 19 years of life, lack of communication just results in misunderstandings and arguments, thus leading to unhappiness. And really, what good is life if it doesn’t make us happy? It’s human nature to seek the happy and enjoyable things in life. I mean, we don’t choose to be part of a group of friends that put us down and make us feel shit about ourselves constantly, do we? No, we choose friends who make us smile and laugh and who are able to pick us up when we’re down. The same goes for marriage. Just because there’s a vow involved that commits us to this one person out of the 6.8 billion others on Earth, that should not mean that at some point we decide this person no longer makes us happy. Even through decades of marriage and memories together, I believe (and hope) that if a person once made you happy, then they still can. Same goes for communication. If communication is failing, make it un-fail for God’s sake! If you were once able to talk to the love of your life about anything, you still can.

Now forgive me, for I sense that this post has become somewhat like an advice column towards the last paragraph. But I can’t be screwed editing it, and I’m sure the message is pretty clear anyway: you and me, together, always, because you’re my best friend, you’re my world, and you make me so so happy 😀

And if this isn’t the most appropriate song to accompany this post, then I don’t know what is 🙂


Well f**k ’em.

So today at dinner, my sister and mother decided to tell me that they can’t wait for me to leave home. My sister’s reasoning was that I am ‘just so bloody annoying’ and she ‘can’t stand’ to be around me, whilst my mother claims I ‘always say the wrong things’ and am ‘too sarcastic’ and ‘ungrateful’.

CUE RANT.

Now, I think I can safely assume that my apparent annoyingness (that’s not a word, but whatever) and unbearablility (wow, I’m on a role) are due to the fact that I supposedly am so sarcastic and untimely with the things I say when I’m at home. You must be thinking, OK wow…she must say some pretty radical things if they make her sister and mother want her to piss off already, but that’s the thing; they’re really not.

At dinner today I merely made some joke about my sister wanting something microwaved for 30 seconds. I said something like, “Ooh, sure you don’t want 35 seconds? Don’t know how good that microwave is…”, to which my mum exploded into a tirade about my ‘ungratefulness’ towards what I’m given (the microwave thing was the tiniest of fucking comments, gimme a break). My sister then shouted at me for making Mum shout, when really that’s Mum’s problem; the comment I made didn’t ask for any shouting at all. I took it all with a pinch of salt initially. I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, I mean for fuck’s sake. Even now it all sounds so menial and unnecessary.

But that’s exactly what pisses me off about it all. Not so much the fact that my mother and sister want me out so desperately that they can’t quit telling me so during my last week at home; trust me, I want to be out of home more desperately than you’d believe. I’ve been wanting out for years. But no, you wanna know what really fucks me off about all this? The absolute pointlessness of it all! Fuuuuuuuuucking hell! This happens all the time. My insignificant, purely conversational comments are only intended to make someone laugh (admittedly it usually ends up being me at my own jokes, or Dad), but more importantly I just want to put a bit of a break in the daily so-called ‘conversation’ which, without fail, alternates between the subject of swimming to the subject of horses. Is that such a crime? It shouldn’t be, should it, yet my mother treats me as if I’ve nicknamed God ‘Satan’. She seems to have nothing better to do with her life than to be narrow-minded and bitter towards anything that doesn’t directly relate to or compliment her. Talk about mountains out of molehills, literally any excuse to shout her fucking head off and she’ll take it. I seriously think that for her, the more meaningless the spark, the more attractive it is. WHAT THE FUCK.

So yes, many of the apprehensions aforementioned in posts a couple of days ago about leaving home have evaporated in the light (if it can be called ‘light’) of tonight’s shit. I honestly think anywhere would be better than being stuck between these four walls with this combination of people.

And because I’m feeling a really weird kind of angry – I’m kinda amused by the stupidity of it all – here’s a gorgeous song which I rediscovered amongst my old-ish albums today. And it kinda works with the subject of this post. Kinda.:

 


Calloused violin fingers.

I’ve been playing my violin for a good two-and-a-half hours and it feels so goooooooooooood! I’m very out of practice with the whole ‘practicing violin’ idea, but I’m enjoying being able to play for hours on end without really having to have achieved something by the end. Having not had a violin teacher for about 5 months (I stopped having lessons before exams), it’s nice to now have a repertoire of pieces I can play if I want to, but there’s no desperate need to get things perfect by a certain date or performance. Sure, I’m trying to get things right and perfect, but it’s not like I feel I have to stress over a bar of notes if it just doesn’t seem to be coming right. I’ve got the time to just put it down and play something else, and then pick it up and try it again the next day if I want.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I was wanting to learn to play some proper ‘songs’, not just classical stuff. Well, inspired by The Decemberists, I’ve been working my way through a Caledonian fiddle book I discovered I owned, as well as trying some of the solos in their songs (namely the song at the end of this post). The point of me telling you all this is, really, just to let you know I’m happy I’ve revived my passion for violin. I miss playing in orchestras and I especially miss the music courses I used to go on. But until I manage to find the musical bums at uni, this stuff is doing me just fiiiiine 🙂

All of the above fits in very well with what I had the pleasure of waking up to this morning, as a matter of fact: a beautiful email from an old friend of mine whom I met on one of these said ‘music courses’. It’s little things like sending an email to someone who you haven’t spoken to for ages than can truly make someone’s day. Just knowing that there is someone else out there – someone you know but have lost contact with and don’t see everyday – that still cares and hasn’t forgotten about you, it makes you feel worth a little bit more. And I definitely needed this little boost after yesterday, so thank you dear friend, it means a lot 🙂

Annnnnd I would love to post a little bit o’ music here, but I was greeted with a lovely message from youtube which basically told me that my internet is now suffering too badly to even be able to open the youtube homepage. Beautiful. Oh well, by the time my internet renews I’ll be enjoying university internet access 🙂 Fingers crossed that I won’t again have to go weeks without my darling youtube…


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