Category Archives: Pandas

I’ve been reading my old blog posts

and it just hit me. All that stress about EE and all that procrastination – IT’S OVER!!!!! Having skimmed over some of my blog posts from the middle of last year just now, I’ve only just realised how HUGE a form of procrastination my blog has been. Hahaha, but who cares now. Completed my EE easily and got a B 😀 And it seems to be the general consensus that university (well, Arts anyway) is easier/less stress than doing two years of IB, which gives me no reason to stop blogging. So I won’t 😀

Here be me:

All smiling and happy ’cause I aced that muthatrukka of a Diploma, you see? 😀

Alalalalalalalalalala. Good night now though, for real. Well, in a bit.


So, summer.

I was excited. I was excited, that is, until Mum let me into ‘The Family’s BIG Plan of Action’. I did wonder when they were finally going to get round to telling me their secrets.

As it happens, Dad starts renting a house up North as of next week. This house here is supposed to be sold by December 3rd for everyone else to move up there, but if it’s not apparently we’re moving anyway and this place is getting rented. So, that’s that. And what about me? Well, I’m supposed to be happy because they’re waiting around until after my graduation dinner until they move. Yeah, wow, thanks. I mean, you’ve only complained about the price of that thing so far – huge favour you’re doing by gracing me with your presence. Not. And then, I’m supposed to move all of my things to the ‘North house’ for that to be my ‘base’, so that then I’m free to ‘do what I want’ for the summer. Perfect, right? Yes, until I find out that I get absolutely zero money from my parents for ‘doing what I want’. So it’s more like, ‘you can do what you want with the money that you have’, which, let’s face it, is not a lot. So that means getting a job – which I don’t mind – but I need to see you so I can’t just live up North and work the whole holidays. I need to be closer to you, I mean, that’s the whole bloody reason I was so excited! But yeah, whatever, I guess we’ll see how it all pans out…

All I want is a bit of a summer with you – is that really too much to ask?


Last night was perfect. So perfect. We had the best cuddles (8 days apart is far too long to bear), and we had cute little presents for each other which were perfect in themselves because they show how we know we don’t have to try and impress each other – that something with meaning counts more than anything. Dinner was made perfect by your mother’s classic appearance and then our usual people-watching comments and conversations about life. And then our trip to the beach in the Swift with good music playing through the open window (thanks to my mixtape skills 😛 ). Cute walk/chase along the sand and then back in time to buy snacks for our movie. Empty theatre, best seats in the house, one of the best movies I’ve seen with exactly the right amount of lovey stuff to be cute, and tension to give me an excuse to hold your hand. Home late, then snuggles in bed with chocolate and bro’Town. Pillow talk, play fights, cute kisses and cuddles, then finally sleep-time in the best place in the entire universe – your room, your bed, right beside you.

You mean the absolute world to me bubs. Spending time with you makes me realise how worthless and boring and pointless everything else in life is. The only thing that matters is you, especially now. We have exams and we’re supposed to be studying and I’m trying…I really am. Apparently, these exams define our futures. To an extent, yes. But ultimately, it’s the people that make you who you are that make the hugest difference to where you end up and what you become. And for me, that person is you.  I love you so much. Always will. Thank you for always being here.

I still want…

A camera

New clothes

To trim my hair

To dye my hair

New sunglasses

To paint my nails

New jewellery

A panda

A bikini for the summer

Some real CDs, namely Arcade Fire, Metric, Regina Spektor and The Temper Trap

To buy you something nice

New music to play on violin


Those boots my sister said she’d buy me for my 18th but never did

It to stop raining

For exams to be over



New Year’s

To go away with you


Girls gathering with Marisa

A tan

A more reliable car

University stuff to get sorted

To buy a house with you

A kitten

A Newfoundland

To spend a day at the beach

Time to slow down

A good book

To grow old with you

Why today was a good day…

– It wasn’t cold, FINALLY winter’s on it’s way out.

– I followed Chris to school again. This is always fun.

– Had a morning bitch about French with Lizzie. Good vent.

– Hug as promised from my cute new BFF. Slightly awkward. Doesn’t matter. She gets me.

– Cute email from Blake (:

– Dylan came to music. We had a moment. “You look wonderfully radiant today.” 😀 He’s truly lovely that man.

– Maths portfolios back. 18/20. HOW?! But YAY!!! Going into my final IB maths exam with 80%. Couldn’t get much better (for me anyway…)

– Double study. Actually did work. A whole psychology essay in fact. Most productive study EVER.

– Jack confirmed I am a cool British Indie kid due to the content of my iPod. Always good to know.

– Deans. Saw you. Sat with you (and your lovely men). Cute play fight 🙂

– Shared birdseed crackers and cheese with Boyd. Sickening (taste) but amusing.

– Had some of your Freddo. Omnomnomnom.

– Chilled with you and your boys. I like them a lot. You’re all very much ‘my cuppa tea’ (for want of a descriptive British cliché).

– Highlighter wars. Steph owned my arm. I owned the whole of her a million times more by getting the blazer. Oh, yes.

– Kissed you. Bye bye.

– Cultural committee fun. Beat Bobby to the policeman/officer’s helmet. Got a solo role too. Wow.

– The best 10 seconds of on-stage fame known to man. Actually, my apple is in the spotlight for longer than I am. But it doesn’t matter, the people make it worth it 🙂

– Drive home. Hot. Summer. Not too far away. 3 days left of term. YES. Feeling happy so decide to be the annoying driver that gives way to all those people who want to turn right into the traffic jam. Ignored the bastard behind me. I got 2 thank-you waves which is more important.

– Only maths homework. Might start study. Might not. Actually, definitely won’t. Relaxing night. I need one. I’ll start tomorrow 😛

Oooof! Two weeks‽

Two weeks of silence…aaaah! I think that with the absence of EE I’ve been giving myself a bit of a break from writing (yes that includes refusing to do lit essays…) but I feel an update is in order.

Except, what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~. I can’t do it. Bleh. Not in a writing mood. So, instead, some ‘things’.

Soooo cute! I WANTS ONE! 😀

I’m so glad we watched this together last night 😀

Truly great and inspirational words.

And finally, I just want to remind you of how much I love you. I don’t feel like I can ever tell you or show you enough because well, you’re perfect. I love our Friday nights so much, they make my week worth living. You’re the only person I can truly be myself around. Thank you so much 🙂

And look what I just found 😛

OK, why?

Getting there with this Extended Essay (finally…final bloody draft’s only due on Monday…) but I was thinking. Why is it so much easier to convince yourself not to do something than it is to do something?

Like, take this flippin’ essay. As I’m doing right now and have been since December last year, I’ve convinced myself that I can put off doing it and have fooled myself with reasons why: ‘Oh come on, you’ve started it…you’ve earned a break.’ or ‘You’ve only got about 5 whole bloody pages to go…do the rest after dinner.’ It’s stupid really because now I’m stuck here rushing to finish it to a totally shoddy quality. And I know it’s dumb, so why?

It’s the same with other things in life. These holidays I’ve told myself so many lies.
• ‘It’s OK that you haven’t even started your WL2 essay…you’ve been doing your EE.’ – yeah, hardly.
• ‘I have a full bank account after transferring my UK money over to NZD so it’s alright to  spend $200 this week.’ – but it’s not really, is it.
• ‘Because I get home at midday from a friend’s house, I’m allowed to have a pyjama day.’ – in reality, it’s just laziness.

And I think that’s ultimately what it comes down to – laziness. It’s like the Doctor Who episode last week, ‘The Lodger’. Craig’s a lazy bugger with no aspirations who only decides to move off of his arse when Sophie tells him she wants to work overseas. Really, it’s like we convince ourselves that if we stay put, things will be alright. I guess it’s true to a certain extent – the less risks you take the less risk there is of bad things happening. But there’s some things you just have to do. I think I need to realise that.

Sooo, resolution for this term until THE END OF SCHOOL!!!!! – get shit done. I’m sure I’ve told myself this before, but I might try and stick to it this time. I’m not going to do myself a timetable because I never stick to them. But I will restrict myself to one blog post a week maximum, I’m already busy Monday after school, so I’ll allow myself one other night to ‘be busy’ plus Friday night. And every other night I can do work. Sounds like a plan 🙂

This is how I feel now, after nearly 3 hours hard-out essay writing. Just this once, I actually am going to leave the rest til after dinner.

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