Category Archives: Out of interest

FYI

I’m leaving this blog behind for a bit. There is a possibility that I may revisit it at some point later in life, but for now I a) don’t have the time to maintain its upkeep, and b) think that the majority of the content in this blog is linked to a particular…kinda ‘era’ in my life.

I think it would be perhaps insensitive and unfair to blog about my everyday life these days in the same place that I have been for the past year plus. And also, it’s sort of time to turn over a new page. Well, a virtual page…

I’m still updating my tumblr daily, so if you’re interested, feel free. I guess this is going to be my replacement ‘place to think’.

It is strange how things have turned out. I never imagined my life taking a turn down this path. Not once. But now that it’s happened and is, of course, still happening, I can honestly say that I’m truly appreciative of everything I’ve done in my life. Every choice I’ve ever made, every person I’ve spoken to, every place I’ve been, every memory I’ve made… These all collate to make me who I am.

People can say I’ve changed. Or they can say I haven’t. Or never did. It’s fine. Truth is, I don’t care too much for what people say. Only the people close enough to me to know me well enough are the people whose opinions and thoughts matter.

As it is, I’m content with where I am right now. I’m changing, but I’m not. I’m definitely learning. And hell, I’m happy.

Because there’s nothing better…

And my head told my heart
“Let love grow”
But my heart told my head
“This time no”.

Au revoir. But only from here. For now.

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Happy bloggy birthday!

Well, belated birthday. Yesterday my bloggy woggy foggy moggy doggy…hell, my BLOG!..turned 1 😀

*cue humorous youtube clip with the theme of ‘birthday’*

I don’t know how to celebrate the birthday of a blog. I mean, it’s not a person. I couldn’t have gone out and celebrated on the town because it was my blog’s birthday (although honestly, any excuse would have done…) I can’t make it a cake because my MacBook can’t eat it (although honestly, I could do with some myself…) I could do a re-cap and assessment of my first year as a blogger, but to be quite honest again…that’s just boring. I’ve seen youtube videos of people after their first year of vlogging where they thank all their subscribers and talk about how much they’ve matured and grown as a person due to their vlogging experiences, but a) I have very few subscribers (that I know of) because most people keep up-to-date via my facebook posts, and b) that sort of thing is overrated. It’s gone from being a personal, heart-felt ‘thank-you’ to an oh-dammit-I-guess-I-should-acknowledge-the-people-that-suffer-my-irregular-video-uploads-because-I’ve-been-here-for-a-year kinda thing.

Maybe just a little bit about this blog and why I’ve kept this thing up-and-running? OK, that’ll have to do 🙂

Looking back at my first post, it’s clear that my blog was born from the brain of a procrastinating teenager, desperate to find an excuse other than facebook to utilise as a time-killing tool. And who am I kidding, it still is exactly that. I guess when I first started writing posts I never really believed I’d actually keep up the blogging. I should have had far more important things to occupy my days with – such as EE, ToK essays, lit essays, CAS hours (wow, remember those?) – but by some miracle, all those dreaded assignments and presentations got done, I got decent grades, and through it all I never really had to compromise my blogging. Sure, there were days on end when reality knocked on the door and I had to catch-up on things (especially maths portfolio weeks, those were murder!), but I think what really fueled me on to maintain my blog posts was the need for an outlet of some kind.

After a crappy day at school, or an argument with my mum or something similar, I find that to prevent myself from going completely ape-shit at someone, I have to sort my thoughts out in my head first. The best way I came up with to do that was to write them down, and where better place to do that than on my blog. In this sense, my blog has become very much like my personal diary. Of course I daren’t reveal everything online here because there really is no telling who will read it, but as some people I learnt were surprised to read, I do keep it pretty personal (hence why every single post is categorised under such label).

And I don’t do this for anyone else really; I do it for me. I like the idea of being able to look back over years of posts – even now – and being able to remember certain days and events as they happened, rather than having to rely on a foggy memory or someone else’s biased viewpoint. I suppose this is a way of combatting my greatest fears too – that of forgetting, but also that of being forgotten. I hadn’t actually thought of this point until the second I typed those words a sentence ago, but thinking about it…it does make sense. By publishing my thoughts and opinions online, it is almost as though I’m creating some sort of legacy. Of course, I’m not planning on going anywhere any time soon (*touch wood*…dammit I hate talking about things like this so matter-of-factly), but should anything unexpected – or not so (i.e. when I’m 102) – happen, this will always exist. Well, at least until WordPress gets taken over by facebook…but let’s not go there..!

The point I’m making is that this blog is something tangible. It’s not words that have been said from person to person that can be changed and mis-interpreted by different generations of people; it’s words that have been written down and are in black and white for anyone to read. That’s what I like about writing – it’s solid evidence. It’s either there or it’s not. And hell, my blog is there alright. It’s here, and hopefully it’ll stay here for years or more to come 🙂

Cocoa my cat came at climbed on top of me and my MacBook half-way through writing this. As he obviously wanted to be a part of it, so it’s only right he should get a bit of recognition here 🙂


New theeeeeeeeme.

Good excuse for a poll me thinks 🙂 So, que pensez-vous? (Slightly awkward that I had to google translate that to check the spelling. Jesus Christ, I’ve only not spoken French for 2 and a bit months. But maybe that explains the 4…)

Nothing much else to report, except that I’m glad it rained today because it meant I could wrap your V day gift and things without sweating all over them. I’m glad we’ve opted for a budget day this year. We don’t have to spend an arm and a leg to show that we love one another. And with the 14th also being your first day at CPIT it means we don’t even get to spend time together this year. But I’m sure a Skype date will suffice just fine 😀

Annnnd because I haven’t spoken to you all day (grr) and it’s true that “You’re out there having fun, and I need you. I’m alone with this song, about being empty. And the fear of missing out, it’s hard to be alone.”, this is the soundtrack of my night alone:


Calloused violin fingers.

I’ve been playing my violin for a good two-and-a-half hours and it feels so goooooooooooood! I’m very out of practice with the whole ‘practicing violin’ idea, but I’m enjoying being able to play for hours on end without really having to have achieved something by the end. Having not had a violin teacher for about 5 months (I stopped having lessons before exams), it’s nice to now have a repertoire of pieces I can play if I want to, but there’s no desperate need to get things perfect by a certain date or performance. Sure, I’m trying to get things right and perfect, but it’s not like I feel I have to stress over a bar of notes if it just doesn’t seem to be coming right. I’ve got the time to just put it down and play something else, and then pick it up and try it again the next day if I want.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I was wanting to learn to play some proper ‘songs’, not just classical stuff. Well, inspired by The Decemberists, I’ve been working my way through a Caledonian fiddle book I discovered I owned, as well as trying some of the solos in their songs (namely the song at the end of this post). The point of me telling you all this is, really, just to let you know I’m happy I’ve revived my passion for violin. I miss playing in orchestras and I especially miss the music courses I used to go on. But until I manage to find the musical bums at uni, this stuff is doing me just fiiiiine 🙂

All of the above fits in very well with what I had the pleasure of waking up to this morning, as a matter of fact: a beautiful email from an old friend of mine whom I met on one of these said ‘music courses’. It’s little things like sending an email to someone who you haven’t spoken to for ages than can truly make someone’s day. Just knowing that there is someone else out there – someone you know but have lost contact with and don’t see everyday – that still cares and hasn’t forgotten about you, it makes you feel worth a little bit more. And I definitely needed this little boost after yesterday, so thank you dear friend, it means a lot 🙂

Annnnnd I would love to post a little bit o’ music here, but I was greeted with a lovely message from youtube which basically told me that my internet is now suffering too badly to even be able to open the youtube homepage. Beautiful. Oh well, by the time my internet renews I’ll be enjoying university internet access 🙂 Fingers crossed that I won’t again have to go weeks without my darling youtube…


Tits.

I’m back in Paihia (sadly) after a perfect 6 days spent with Blakie. Funniest thing today: the mentioning of ‘tits’.

So, my mum has temporary work on a local farm milking 500-odd cows. Sitting down at the table for lunch, she tells us about it; the little cup thingies that have to go on the cow’s nipples and suck out the milk (eww). And then, good question, “How many nipples do cows have?” This of course gave way to endless boob jokes, mostly from me because I’m still in crude language mode after having spent so much time with you 😛 I said 4, Dad said 6. Then I said maybe they just sprout an extra nipple every time they have a calf. Seemed like a somewhat sensible theory, until I then went too far (maybe) and wondered out-loud (well done Emma…) what humans would look like if they had a tit-per-child kinda thing going on. I mentioned the name of a family friend of ours that has 6 kids and more on the way: “Imagine *insert name here*! She’d be walkin’ around…tits sticking out everywhere!” I thought this was hilarious. Or at least, the image in my head was. However, I received an obscure look from Dad which I could only read as “Oh my life, what hope does my daughter have…” Mum was silent. But funniest of all, my 13-year-old brother. He just sat there, looking incredibly embarrassed at my mentioning of female parts, slowly going red in his innocent little cheeks. Hahahahahaha, oh bless him!

(In case you were wondering, the ‘nipples’ are called ‘teats’ in the technical farming world, and cows usually have four, but can sometimes have five or six. Personally, I think this a bit strange. It would make sense for them to have twice as many tits as humans, I mean…they have twice as many stomachs at the end of the day. But can you imagine 6 little titties on a cow? Hahaha, I can’t. That’s just weird. 😛 )

Also today, I played a good bit of violin and finally got round to learning some Arcade Fire bits and pieces, including part of this below:

And after downloading The Decemberists’ new album ‘The King Is Dead’ the other day, I’ve been inspired to learn some country-like songs from a book I’d forgotten I owned. Needless to say, I am in such a musical mood. I hope it lasts. I like playing new things that actually sound good 🙂 Also, I would like to be in a band. Like Arcade Fire or The Decemberists. Because their music is the bomb-diggedy. The end 🙂


Flashback…

to when my sister and I were about 4 and 7 years old respectively, and we’d follow our parents around home furniture and carpet stores choosing which bathrooms we’d have, and which kitchens, and which carpets we’d have in which rooms when we grew up and had a house together. Oh for those young innocent times again 🙂

This thought actually came to me last night while I was lying in bed wide-awake at 2am (yet again). I resisted the urge to blog about it then as it would further induce my sleepless night, but I still have this cute little image in my head of me being a cute kid and best friends with my sister (I know, once upon a time…) I wish there was a way to digitally insert ‘mind pictures’ onto here. It’d be a cute little picture, but well…I can’t draw so you’re going to have to do with imagining it yourself.

So anyway, today I have the house to myself. This would be exciting if I could have friends over, but seeing as they’re all at least a 3 hour drive away, that’s not really possible. It’s raining too, so I’ll probably end up finally getting this scholarship application done (maybe…)

Also, 5 days til I get to see you!!!! 😀 I’m so excited! I mean, it will have been literally a month since I last stayed with you. I’m also looking forward to it because being down in Auckland means I can see my other special people too 🙂 And I have my College House BBQ to go to. Ahh, it’s all looking up in a few days 🙂

Annnnd I discovered this song yesterday (using this website, which I find pretty cool). However, I tried listening to some other Neutral Milk Hotel stuff and I uhh…well, really couldn’t stand it. This one, however, (oh and Holland, 1954), are really beautiful. Just listen to the lyrics… 🙂


You really should have watched this already…

But if you didn’t stay up for the midnight release of it last night (you ridiculous person), you can make up for it now. Blakie is an amazing man to have put all this together. And the other guys, well, they’re alright too… Haha, just kidding, the whole film is incredible. Really really amazing 🙂 YOU WILL LOVE IT!


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