Category Archives: LoveLoveLove

Good, bad, happy, sad.

Good/happy things about today:

  • I got out of bed before 12pm
  • I was home alone all day. This is good because it reduces arguments.
  • I got three phone calls – the first about College House, the second from Anna about flights, and the third from “Anton from Westpac, Westgate”.
  • I spoke to our neighbour and found out how it is that our cat is so fat despite not eating anything at home. Yup, you guessed it – he dines out every night at his friend’s across the road.
  • I got an email reply from my grandpa, in which he said “So you are quickly learning to hold your drink!! That said; just remember it is the sensible young ladies who will benefit from such a lesson and will prosper throughout life! Sorry, I am beginning to lecture you and no doubt you will remember your Mother looking daggers at me for giving you beer to sample whilst down in Wales!!” This really made me smile for a bit.
  • I watched Friends.
  • My cat came back to sleep on my bed after I had put her outside for the night.
  • I made a necklace.

However, bad/sad:

  • My internet is deathly slow. It irritates me. I want to watch HIMYM and I caaaaan’t 😦
  • I feel really unprepared about returning to CH again. I also feel like somehow everyone else has bonded over these three weeks and I haven’t. I hope it’s not the case; that would suck.
  • My textbooks didn’t arrive. This means they’ll have to be sent down to me. I hope I get them in time.
  • Town tomorrow night has been cancelled. I could go with Auckland CH people but that’s hardly fair on Blake. So we’ll probably have a really cute night in. It just annoys me when plans fail.
  • I realised that next Friday will be my first birthday away from home. It’s strange how things are changing.
  • It was my last day at home again, for the second time in less than a month, only this time I really don’t when I’ll be back. I guess it turned out I didn’t know last time either though.
  • Saying goodbye to Dad was hard…again. Life is so cruel with these goodbyes.
  • I missed you, and I still miss you. Why don’t you txt me? I always have to do it first. Grr. Although that’s not really fair of me to say, sorry. I just miss you, and I’m annoyed at us only getting four days together when I’ve been killing time for three weeks. Friday night better be gooooooood.

Final night in my own bed…again. This song makes me sleepy in the most perfect way possible:

“He is the one who plays the piano
He is the one who wants to love
She is the one who touched his heart
He made too much of this, of course

I guess that’s all
They feel so small
He is the one who wants the crowd to disappear
He is the one who draws them near
He is asleep, deep and cynical
She stays awake to sing sonata.”


Boredom = pointless blog post.

But I make no apologies. I’m bored and blogging somewhat relieves that boredom. Shurrup.

So, it’s only now that I’m finding myself in my bedroom without my desk that I’m realising how essential a desk is in a bedroom.

My room up North is too small for one. But I need my desk. Ironically, when I was at school – particularly that last year of school – I used to hate the thought of having to sit down at my desk and ‘do work’. I used to think of work as a chore (hell, I still will at uni no doubt), hence why I used to do a lot of my homework sitting cross-legged on my bed, like how I am sitting now.

But I think that’s the problem – we associate different things with different places. I used to think desk = schoolwork, therefore I preferred to steer clear of my desk. However, now it has become bed = the place where I sit all day chatting online/tumblring/blogging/youtubing, and because of this I am craving some other creative space. Somewhere to make things with glue and patterned paper and glitter, somewhere to write, somewhere to organise myself…

In this respect, I really want to get back down to my room at CH and sort out my books and things on that huuuuuuuge desk of mine. Of course there are many other reasons that I want to return too – the people, the parties, the foooood, the getting-away-from-here part of it all… 🙂 Yeah, I’ve fully convinced myself. Adelaide was never an option for me, and I don’t really see the point in doing a half-year transfer to Auckland. In my opinion, it’s probably best to get back down to Chch asap so that some form of normality can begin to take shape. My grades will otherwise likely be screwed, if not already after that first psych lecture…

In other news, it’s raining. A lot. It’s also my birthday soon. But sooner than that, I get to see you again on Weds 😀 Happyhappyhappy times! Although maybe not as happy as your time last night, heeyyyyyy? 😛 I kid! I just with I could’ve been there to witness it so I could effectively use it against you when next you accuse me of murdering my liver, hahaha.

I’m feeling Arctic Monkeys-ish:

PS. I wish I was a cat. They have the easiest, most perfect lives. And when I think of cats I think of Alex Boyd and NOW I HAVE THAT GODDAMNED CATSUIT IMAGE THING IN MY HEAD. GODDAMNIT GO AWAAAAAAAAAY. Grr. It’s just cruel that that even exists (no offense intended).


The definition of love.

Inspiration is not happening, however I feel the need to post something. I just stumbled upon (literally) this beautiful post, written by Ryan O’Connell and found here, so am taking the opportunity to re-post this piece of writing here.

Oh, before I start, you all need to know that I just successfully ended the life of one of the largest bitching mozzies you have ever seen. It had been being all ninja and flying around my ceiling for about two hours before it made the mistake of coming within slapping distance of my hands. At least now, I can sleep in peace 🙂

Anyway, on with the writing…

“You can stop taking quizzes in Cosmo. Here’s what love really is.

Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.

Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.

Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.

Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”

Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.

Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”

Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.

Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.

Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.

Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.

Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.

Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.

When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.

Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.”

Also, this song = ❤


Be seeing you.

Ahh, last night at home for a while. Largely un-argumentative which is something. My sister was actually very nice to me. Maybe living away from home will mean we can become the kind of sisters that txt each other every now and then? It was hard saying goodbye to Dad too, but hopefully I’ll see him again in 7ish weeks. I’m actually sort of excited now 🙂 Being all packed up has made it more of a reality rather than an unknown something, plus you already being down there makes me want/need to hurry up and get down there too.

So really, bring on Wednesday! I won’t miss home too much I don’t think…it’s my friends and the familiarity of your house and Auckland that I’ll be sad to lose the most. But hopefully familiarity will set in soon enough down there 🙂 Plus it’s not forever. There’ll be heaps of chances to catch up with everyone 🙂

The one major downside, however, is that my internet allowance down there is crappo. I have 2GB a month and have to pay for any more. I guess I’ll just have to cut out my youtubing and endless streaming of music. And maybe facebook and tumblr a bit less frequently. So yeah, what I’m saying is blog posts may be more few and far between. But if you’re really cool you’ll have my email and textual details, so you’re more than welcome check that I’m still alive. I’d like that 🙂

And then of course, Valentine’s day. I hope you like that highly attractive picture of Regina that I posted on your facebook? 😉 Hahaha, I’m just so totally jealous. Not. We get cuddles and pizza on Friday. She doesn’t. HA! I love you though. You should stop worrying, that’s my job! Everything will work out just fine for you and for us baby, just you wait and see 🙂

Finally, Grammy’s! ARCADE FIRE GOT ALBUM OF THE YEEEEEEEEEAR!!! This makes me so happy 😀 They’re the most amazing of bands around at the moment. And The Black Keys got best alternative album and best rock song for ‘Tighten Up’, which I suppose I can live with. I do like them, but Arcade Fire are the actual bomb diggedy. And ‘The Suburbs’ is such an absolutely fantastic album, from beginning to end. I have many favourites, but I think this tops it:

And with that, The Prisoner style: “Be seeing you.”


New theeeeeeeeme.

Good excuse for a poll me thinks 🙂 So, que pensez-vous? (Slightly awkward that I had to google translate that to check the spelling. Jesus Christ, I’ve only not spoken French for 2 and a bit months. But maybe that explains the 4…)

Nothing much else to report, except that I’m glad it rained today because it meant I could wrap your V day gift and things without sweating all over them. I’m glad we’ve opted for a budget day this year. We don’t have to spend an arm and a leg to show that we love one another. And with the 14th also being your first day at CPIT it means we don’t even get to spend time together this year. But I’m sure a Skype date will suffice just fine 😀

Annnnd because I haven’t spoken to you all day (grr) and it’s true that “You’re out there having fun, and I need you. I’m alone with this song, about being empty. And the fear of missing out, it’s hard to be alone.”, this is the soundtrack of my night alone:


All you need is love.

To redeem a little bit from my blatant last post, I want to talk about how us and our future together. It’s approaching Valentine’s Day and well, I’m feeling in the mood. So here goes 🙂

Now, people are bound to judge me for saying this, but I have every intention of marrying you. I know we’re still young and all that, but personally, I think that being young makes it better. I think that young minds possess more passion and will than the minds of many (although certainly not all) adults. Of course I have an extremely biased view on this, having yet to experience real adulthood I’m still fairly innocent to many of the trials and tribulations of being a grown up. However, all you need is love right? I fully believe in this. I believe that our love conquers all. I mean, just look at what we’ve already been through! Sure, adults encounter their own problems with finances, rent, jobs etc., but do adults in love encounter the same problems as those that aren’t? Put it this way: we both battled our way through IB. We inevitably had our own personal little problems and stressful moments as did everyone, but having someone else with me 100% of the time who I knew was going through exactly the same thing and was there to talk to and reassure me sure as hell made it a billion times less painful. So I’m theorising that the same should apply to marriage. Money issues, job hunting…I don’t know, whatever it is, when you’re married you’re both in it together aren’t you? “A problem shared is a problem halved”, and that’s exactly the way it should be.

This has all somehow emerged from last night’s action. I realised I don’t want to grow up to be like my parents. Without going into personal details, I do kind of get that three kids undoubtedly gets stressful and that we’re probably not easy on the pocket. But I want us – you and I – to be so much better than what I’ve grown up with. I want us to be able to be middle-aged and working but to still have time for each other. Admittedly, I do have a very idealistic image planted in my mind about us, kids, house, good money, and of course I know that absolutely flawless perfection is impossible. However, I do believe that it’s possible to perceive something – such as life – as perfect despite its flaws. Referring back to the ‘love conquering all’ idea, I truly have faith that it can, based on what I’ve already experienced together with you.

However, I do think that there is one key element that cannot be omitted if love is to be the solution to all life’s problems, and that is communication. From my observations in my 19 years of life, lack of communication just results in misunderstandings and arguments, thus leading to unhappiness. And really, what good is life if it doesn’t make us happy? It’s human nature to seek the happy and enjoyable things in life. I mean, we don’t choose to be part of a group of friends that put us down and make us feel shit about ourselves constantly, do we? No, we choose friends who make us smile and laugh and who are able to pick us up when we’re down. The same goes for marriage. Just because there’s a vow involved that commits us to this one person out of the 6.8 billion others on Earth, that should not mean that at some point we decide this person no longer makes us happy. Even through decades of marriage and memories together, I believe (and hope) that if a person once made you happy, then they still can. Same goes for communication. If communication is failing, make it un-fail for God’s sake! If you were once able to talk to the love of your life about anything, you still can.

Now forgive me, for I sense that this post has become somewhat like an advice column towards the last paragraph. But I can’t be screwed editing it, and I’m sure the message is pretty clear anyway: you and me, together, always, because you’re my best friend, you’re my world, and you make me so so happy 😀

And if this isn’t the most appropriate song to accompany this post, then I don’t know what is 🙂


I wish it was winter. This is a long post.

But anyway, if it was winter, today I wouldn’t have:

– Procrastinated getting up until 12pm because my room with closed blinds was so much cooler than the inevitable sun outside

– Sat inside printing off photos and sticking them on my diary because it was too hot outside

– Eventually ventured outside due to the dogs’ insistent begging and then wound up in an unfit, sweaty and muddy heap after throwing sticks into the waterhole for the dogs to fetch

– Had to eat cereal for lunch and a salad for dinner because the mere thought of hot food made me overheat

– Be currently sitting here being mauled by mosquitoes

– Have had to put off my violining all day because it’s been too hot.

So yes, this is a miserable and bleh post, but whatever. I’ve been stuck at home all day with no car because I’ve now officially sold mine to my parents. And even if I had gone out today, I’d have run into all the Waitangi bloody shitty crap out in Paihia.

Also, I miss you. Part of me is happy that it’s not too long until I get to see you again; Friday is less than a week away. But Friday being so close also means that you’re leaving in less than a week. And sure, I’m leaving a few days after that to be close to you again but, that’s the thing. I’m leaving home. In a week and a half.

It’s horrible thinking about it. A few months ago I was incredibly excited. Hey, even a few weeks ago when I actually went and saw Christchurch for the first time, even then I was still keen. And part of me is now. But, there’s a larger part of me that is fucking scared shitless (whenever I see that written down I always misread it as ‘shirtless’, haha anywaaay…) I know I’ve spoken to you about all this and you’ve told me that it’ll all be fine. This is something we have to do to be able to be happy and, well, proper adults eventually. I just wish I had a bit more of an idea of what to expect. From the CH BBQ a week ago I managed to gauge that there’s lots of drinking and parties, Orientation Week is hell and a definite time to simply forget about your dignity, and the ruling about no glass bottles on campus is strictly enforced (so beer cans it is). I suppose I was being unfair in expecting that someone would, at some point, sit me down and lecture me about exactly what student life consists of. No-one can do that because it ends up being different for everyone. You and I are going to have totally different experiences purely based on where we’re living, let alone what and where we’re studying. Anna and I, although taking similar subjects at the same uni, we’re living in slightly different halls so therefore will have different overall experiences. Hell, even Grace and I – we’re staying at the same halls and attending the same uni, sure – but I already know that her lectures are way more intense and demanding than mine.

So yeah, it’s gonna be a completely unique little journey. There will, of course, be high points and low points (no telling how low with the length of time Christchurch’s aftershocks have been predicted to go on for, but let’s hope not too bad). However, I’ve got to remember that CH will only be for a year, potentially two. Hell, I’ll probably be sad to leave the place! And then my third year is open to all sorts of options – student apartment or flatting, and there’s no telling who with.

And speaking of people and friends, that’s a final huge factor in my apprehensions. I’m very glad I got to see all my important people last week (except Sacha, goddamnit!!!). There are a bunch of other people I’d like to see before I – and they – disappear for the year, but hopefully Friday will provide a good last chance to talk to them. There would have been other chances to see people before they left if I had actually been invited to certain events, but maybe this is a bit of an awkward subject to bring up so publicly. I’ll save it for private face-to-face rants. Ha, now doncha wish you spoke to me more 😉

Soooooo. I suppose this little HUGE rant is more for myself than anyone else. Although maybe other people are in the same boat as me in respect to university stuff. In fact, no, I know some people are and I find that comforting 🙂 If I go in thinking positively, things can’t go too badly. I hope.

In the meantime, I still miss you (yes, I said this already in the third paragraph or something, but hey, this has taken a while to write). However, I’m glad you let me copy your Regina CDs, because this one’s nice:


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