So today at dinner, my sister and mother decided to tell me that they can’t wait for me to leave home. My sister’s reasoning was that I am ‘just so bloody annoying’ and she ‘can’t stand’ to be around me, whilst my mother claims I ‘always say the wrong things’ and am ‘too sarcastic’ and ‘ungrateful’.
Now, I think I can safely assume that my apparent annoyingness (that’s not a word, but whatever) and unbearablility (wow, I’m on a role) are due to the fact that I supposedly am so sarcastic and untimely with the things I say when I’m at home. You must be thinking, OK wow…she must say some pretty radical things if they make her sister and mother want her to piss off already, but that’s the thing; they’re really not.
At dinner today I merely made some joke about my sister wanting something microwaved for 30 seconds. I said something like, “Ooh, sure you don’t want 35 seconds? Don’t know how good that microwave is…”, to which my mum exploded into a tirade about my ‘ungratefulness’ towards what I’m given (the microwave thing was the tiniest of fucking comments, gimme a break). My sister then shouted at me for making Mum shout, when really that’s Mum’s problem; the comment I made didn’t ask for any shouting at all. I took it all with a pinch of salt initially. I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, I mean for fuck’s sake. Even now it all sounds so menial and unnecessary.
But that’s exactly what pisses me off about it all. Not so much the fact that my mother and sister want me out so desperately that they can’t quit telling me so during my last week at home; trust me, I want to be out of home more desperately than you’d believe. I’ve been wanting out for years. But no, you wanna know what really fucks me off about all this? The absolute pointlessness of it all! Fuuuuuuuuucking hell! This happens all the time. My insignificant, purely conversational comments are only intended to make someone laugh (admittedly it usually ends up being me at my own jokes, or Dad), but more importantly I just want to put a bit of a break in the daily so-called ‘conversation’ which, without fail, alternates between the subject of swimming to the subject of horses. Is that such a crime? It shouldn’t be, should it, yet my mother treats me as if I’ve nicknamed God ‘Satan’. She seems to have nothing better to do with her life than to be narrow-minded and bitter towards anything that doesn’t directly relate to or compliment her. Talk about mountains out of molehills, literally any excuse to shout her fucking head off and she’ll take it. I seriously think that for her, the more meaningless the spark, the more attractive it is. WHAT THE FUCK.
So yes, many of the apprehensions aforementioned in posts a couple of days ago about leaving home have evaporated in the light (if it can be called ‘light’) of tonight’s shit. I honestly think anywhere would be better than being stuck between these four walls with this combination of people.
And because I’m feeling a really weird kind of angry – I’m kinda amused by the stupidity of it all – here’s a gorgeous song which I rediscovered amongst my old-ish albums today. And it kinda works with the subject of this post. Kinda.: