Tomorrow night has been the aim of my 2 weeks ‘break’. But now it’s here and I’ve sorted everything out for it and it’s happening, what next? In the space of about 20 hours, my life motivation will have expired and reality will hit. Hard. Saturday morning, I’ll wake up, you being sensible you will remind me that we both have study to do, I’ll go home and sit here staring at a blank wall; knowing I should be full of happiness after our night together, but feeling guilty and awful because I feel so depressed. It’s now that I realise, life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s too real. There are too many seemingly important things to worry about and concentrate on and we don’t get a chance to enjoy the things that matter; the things that we do because they make us happy. We forget that that’s why they’re there and we let them become part of our mundane existence.
This is why dreams are better. For these past two weeks I’ve been having the most obscure dreams/night thoughts. I think it’s something to do with spending too much time with myself. I’m not good for me. I have to have you there to keep me in check, to remind me of our dream life that’s so much better and more worthwhile than reality. It’s the reason I live, for you and our life. Reality is crap. Absolute crap. Family, a place to call home, money, qualifications, a job, choosing the right friends, making the right choices in order to make the right future. And all for what? To get to a better place? No. No such thing exists on earth. The only better place to be is our dreams.