I have a blog for my English class at school. My teacher claims that it’s a “rich tool for literature, not like those freaks that sit and write blog posts at midnight.” Yeah OK, let’s not stereotype.
Anyway, grr. I just had the urge to write something. My head’s gone into one of those funny states that I used to get a lot, but I hardly ever get them any more because I have you to talk to. But with school and being busy and with everything that’s happening there’s not always time to talk. I’m not about to talk on here…I just have to write down the fact that I need to talk. There. Done.
Buuuuuuuuut. OK, list of things I’ve been thinking of:
– How nice most people are. Even if they’re not nice to you all the time, when people decide to make an effort to be nice it makes me feel good. (Not in the ‘OHMYGODI’MSUCHAFREAK’ way…more the ‘I wish there were more people like you’ way.) For example, the post-double music lunch outings. I likes them 🙂
– On the contrary, what bitches people can be. As I said to you earlier, “****’s one of those people that OK, I haven’t really spoken to properly but I’ll smile or say hi just to be polite, but NEVER get anything back. Ever.” And why not? Because I’m not worth your effort? Because fuck, I’m not wasting mine on you any more. And also, people like this need to stop trying to project a ‘perfect’ image of themselves. You just wind up coming across as a total cunt. Everyone thinks so, I’m not just being biased.
– Time, or lack of. Yeah goddammit, I should be writing my TOK essay right now seeing as it’s due Friday, but I’m human. Do I not get time to think, time to be myself? Because Jesus, between sleeping and homeworking and everything else it sure doesn’t feel like it. I realise that I’m reeeeeally lucky to have you – our cuddles and sleeps and lazy times are really all that get me through these weeks that are flying by. I feel sorry for people who don’t have a ‘someone’ (although I guess they kinda then get the benefit of having time to get more work done…) Eh fuck, swings and roundabouts. We can never win.
– And this is kiiiiiiinda related to the first point. Now when I say boys, I don’t mean it in the typical 12-year-old ‘Ewww cooties!’ way, OR the (ok, admittedly how I used to be) ‘Ooh, boys. Hot topic. Yes, I like.’ I’ve just been finding recently (as in the past year-ish…) that they’re better people. I find it easier to talk to guys than I do girls…maybe because the only girl I could ever reeeally talk to about my ‘real’ life (and not just homework) is back in the UK doing A levels right now. Grrr. But yeah, I don’t really know where I’m going here. Of course I love my little group of girls and the other few that I get on with, but yeah…I just find myself preferring to talk to guys as friends more. Interesting.
There’s so much else too…money (lack of), school teachers and shit, assignments, driving test (yes/no?), careers and universities and somewhere to live… But eh, maybe another time. Wanna know another sad thing? My TOK essay is standing at 192 words. Those 4 points above add up to 411 alone. You know what…I really think I’d be great at some form of journalism, so long as I could write about myself. Newspaper column? Maybe. Dreams will become reality one day.