What’s the difference?

So one year older. And the difference? Nothing. Nothing apart from more strangers looking at my driver’s license, judging, contemplating, reluctantly giving in and letting me buy my shit. It is so strange though, how it happens in a day. Three days ago I was pretty much a year older. Except for those 3 days. If those three days mysteriously evaporated into an infinite expanse of history, then those three days would not have existed. But legally, fair enough. But mentally? What’s the difference? Three days make a difference? I grew up in those three days? No, I don’t think I did. If anything, I grew younger. I lost my maturity because of the excitement of knowing that without having to do anything, in three days I was going to be universally acknowledged as ‘mature enough’. So I made no effort. I still argued, insulted, hated, loved and missed. But I also still had you. You to anchor me. Make me real. Because without you, there would be a difference. Us, we. We don’t need meaningless gifts or insignificant conversation. We don’t need to be judged or told what’s the right thing to do. We just need us. Us and our precious time spent together, wasted together. Immaturely, drunk and lost together. We make time ours. Because it doesn’t matter. All I need is you. You’re what matters.

You are the difference.

‘Want her
Have her
Two years have gone now
But I
Can’t relate to the never-ending
Games that you play
As desire passes through
And you’re open to the truth
I hope you understand
And your love
Is standing next to me
Is standing next to me.’

“As I grew older I became a drunk. Why? Because I like ecstasy of the mind.”
          – Jack Kerouac
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
          – Frank Sinatra


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